It Does Matter…

 

This post is about my son. Lil Monster.

To give you a little back ground, Lil Monster was our surprise baby. Not the oops kind if thing…but I had a my tubes tied and shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant kind of baby. It took me several months for it to actually sink in.

Everyone called him our miracle baby. Let’s just say that my first two…I was young. We of course got the “you shouldn’t have babies right now” speech. But with Lil Monster, it was “Oh, this baby is a miracle and meant to be!”

I was like, “WTHeck?!”

When he was born. I new the minute I laid eyes on him that he was different. Both Big Girl and Flannel Boy were born with a very dark head of hair. Big Girl’s was almost black. But Lil Monster? His hair was gold! My first thought was they switched babies on me…but that wasn’t possible because they handed him to me right out of the shoot…

 

When the baby fine hair fell out and the new baby hair grew in…he was a toe head. We called him our Angel Baby because his hair was so white.

He was definitely a spoiled little thing. S’rsly…he was spoiled rotten! So much so, I am paying for it dearly now. LOL. We butt heads on a daily basis. He’s a teenager to boot, so it isn’t pleasant sometimes.

When he was nine, we began fostering. He stopped being the center of attention. So you can imagine how much worse his behavior became. Fostering is hard, but much harder for the children.

Anyway. Over these last five-six years, he hasn’t really had the attention that he has needed. I have been too busy with the other kids. This year he finally has been able to do something that is just for him.

He joined football.

The first game, his dad went because I had a caseworker coming to the house for our soon-to-be-adoptive daughters. Last week I went and suffered through FREEZING pouring rain….and you know what? He was out there standing in it for 3 1/2hours with a smile on his face. At the time, I couldn’t for the LIFE of me figure out why.

Then yesterday…

Yesterday DH and I was basically flipping a coin to see who would have to go sit on those hard bleachers for a couple of hours to watch his game. I was the one who had to go.

All the way there I was telling myself that I really didn’t want to go. I had all kinds of excuses: The bleachers kill my back. I was wearing a black shirt and the sun was making me too hot…he wouldn’t even miss me or care if I showed up…every excuse in the book was going through my head. I wanted to turn around and go home and relax.

But I didn’t. I went. Paid the money to sit on a hard bleacher with the sun in my eyes. And waited. And waited because the younger grade wasn’t done yet.

Then his team came on the field. I saw him turn around and search the bleachers.

  By this time I was standing along the fence. I seen him look around six more times before he saw me. Then I could see that huge grin.

Then it hit me. I had to choke back sobs because it really did matter. It mattered that I was there.

I kept thinking what it would have done to him if he hadn’t seen me…if I hadn’t been there.

Now I know why he was grinning so much through the freezing rain. Because I was there. That is all he needs…me.

I love my son. Even if he is a Lil Monster.